When I leave my house, I sometimes forget that the language that I use with my family is not the language that the rest of the country uses. Even though the world is getting smaller through technology, there are still words and terms that have not reached mainstream American English that, I think, would add a bit more flair to it.
- Laughing gear – n. mouth. This is usually used by saying, “Get your laughing gear around this,” while handing someone something to eat or drink. Yes, it is a more colorful way of saying, “Here you go.” I do enjoy that, which is why I am including the term. However, the giver really does not need to tell me to put the item in my mouth. I know what do with food, considering I have kept myself alive for almost 42 years. I figured that biscuit was not meant be used as a suppository.
- Wazzock – n. a an idiot or fool. Most of the time when I have heard it used, the recipient of the label was the pompous, know-it-all type. We have our own wazzocks on both sides of the Pond. We are probably related to some of them. It’s pretty mild as far as insults. You can say this in front of your grandmother at Christmas dinner. Heck, you can even call her one at Christmas dinner. I don’t care. Do what you want.
- Naff – adj. a combination of unfashionable, tacky, cheap, and tasteless. 2) pointless and worthless. Some people also use it as a verb by telling someone to “naff off.” There is no equivalent word for it in American English at all, so we need it. And maybe I don’t have to laugh like an 8-year old when I pass one of these. I am pretty sure international franchising is off the docket.
- Knackered – adj. extremely tired. This word just conveys the feeling better than pooped, exhausted, dead on my feet, or any other term I can pull from my mental thesaurus. You can just feel yourself in the yard…with the retired horses…without an ounce of energy left in your bones. This word is enough to get your spouse to cook dinner or order in while you watch videos of Russians injuring themselves on YouTube.
- The Dog’s Bollocks (testicles to Americans) – n. something really, really good.“Mum, that stew you made was really the dog’s bollocks!”“Son, you say the kindest things!”No one has ever been able to explain to me why dogs’ bollocks achieved the gold standard as far as testicular quality. Perhaps there was some sort of cosmic animal bollock competition in the style of the Eurovision song contest.“Gerbils – nil points.”Your guess is as good as mine.
- Gormless – adj. clueless or stupid. Obviously, one is clueless because one lost one’s gorm. To be without one’s gorm is a bad thing. Remember that, kids.
- Trump – v. to fart. I only included this because I just want flatulence associated with The Donald…you know, a wazzock. A hairstyle resembling Weetabix (shredded wheat) gone wild just isn’t enough for me.
- Bog roll – n. toilet paper – I just want to try anything to get rid of the term “bathroom tissue.” Bog roll really reflects the tone of what the stuff is used for. Bog. Roll. Bleah. Bathroom tissue is one of those made up advertisement euphemisms that only overly delicate crazy people would use in real life. Shit happens, and we need to clean it up.
- Whinge – v. to whine, moan, or complain. Rhymes with hinge. Another term that goes along with it is describing a chronic complainer as someone who can “whinge for Britain.” I love the thought of an Olympic competition based upon our mildly stereotypically annoying traits. The USA would definitely take gold in “worst fashion while abroad,” “eating too much mediocre food and thinking it is good,” and “not knowing socialism if it walked up to them and bit them in the ass.”
- Meat and Two Veg – n. the penis and testicles. The best dick slang ever. It should be the new name of The Journal of Urology.
And on that low tone, I must ask, do any of you have any nominees for your favorite British slang? Feel free to comment below, if you do.