It’s June of 2015, and the Republican Presidential candidate roster is longer than the list of people Kanye West offended. We have to find a way to narrow this bunch down, or our debates are going to become even more tedious than the Oscars. Well, they are already. Not even Neil Patrick Harris can save us.
But I believe I have a solution, and it does have a fabulous sort of quality that NPH would probably endorse, I hope. For those of you who love musicals, you would know A Chorus Line. For those of you who don’t, all you need to know is the basic plot line. A choreographer (who is off stage) is auditioning 17 dancers for said chorus line, and the dancers pour out their guts and life stories in the process in order to get this elusive work.
You can see where I am going with this. Of course, I would be the auditioner in this case because it is my idea. I also have no love for the Republicans or the Democrats, so no one can accuse me of bias. The questions are already forming in my head.
“Where did you hide the moderate Republicans’ bodies?”
“What do you have as far as credible differences from the other candidates apart from your haircut?”
“Why the hell do you want to be President in the first place? What is wrong with you?”
After I assess the answers and choose the candidates, I will have them put on glittery costumes and perform “One”. Of course, they will get rehearsal time and work with a choreographer.
If they want to really be President, they will do it. If these people expect us to swallow their foolishness, they can humble themselves in the process too.
It’s either this option or wrestling Lucha Libre-style.