Mysteries of America: Local Commercials

In many American movies and sitcoms, there are scenes where the characters are filming commercials for their local TV stations. While the Americans can get the joke fully, there are many places where local ads really don’t exist, at least not on the same scale as over here. With the U.K. being the size of New York, while their television system is divided regionally, there is not as much call for commercial TV advertising for the neighborhood fish and chip shop. The limited number of channels in comparison to the States and the cost of the spots has a lot to do with it.

But small businesses over here cannot afford Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce to handle their needs either, so what you see will not match up to the famed Super Bowl quality that we see on network TV. The results? Well, I have a thing or two to say about that.

If you are left in a bind when a loved one leaves this planet, you have an option right here. And Aunt Ethel will look even better after she is dead, which doesn’t say much for her, if the ad is anything to go by.

Lawyers love advertising their wares on TV, and this one is about as good or bad as it gets. We have exploiting your kid, invoking scripture, taking advantage of your brother’s death, vigilantism, overproduction, and just plain douchebaggery. I can assure you that vast majority of Americans are not all like this guy. He is just allowed to make commercials because of the 1st Amendment.

Then there are the damn earworms. I can thank ShopRite for lodging this classic in my brain and having it show up during my SATs, my wedding, just about every search for my purse, and all the other important events in my life.

I also have to bring in another Philly classic, the Robbins 8th and Walnut jewelers spot featuring the Dovells. Love the band singing doo-wop in fros and leisure suits during the mid-80s. My brain hurts from the contradiction of eras. Let’s work in some tie-dyes and fedoras too and create a wormhole.

Eagle Insurance in Chicagoland achieved a mighty feat. They managed to breed a male eagle who lays eggs. And this bird mysteriously shows up to accident sites of uninsured motorists to provide quotes which his offspring has conveniently on hand in his or her beak. How this miracle happened, no one knows. The motorists are too busy teasing their hair and avoiding acting lessons to find out.

Growing up in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania meant that we had access to the New York stations too. You would think that New York commercials would have a higher production quality. You would be thinking wrongly. If you happen to be in the area in the 80s, you will remember Crazy Eddie. After all, his prices were INSANE! Eddie also ended up in prison for fraud for his business dealings. For the record, the man in the commercial is not Eddie. DJ “Dr. Jerry” Carroll did the TV commercials for 15 years, including the Crazy Eddie “Christmas in August” promos.

Yes, hit him.

So, my fellow Americans, what local commercials do you remember? Don’t be shy. Share the post, and ask your friends. I bet there are some gems out there.

11 thoughts on “Mysteries of America: Local Commercials

  1. There’s “Attorney Peter Francis Geraci”, whose voice sounds like a 45 record, played at 33 1/3rd speed. And “Andrianna Furs”, with an almost melody-less jingle of “Fashion… Elagance… Style, Romance, Andrianna Furs. Feel the warmth and luxury that you deserve.”

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