As I stated in my previous post about HomeGoods, you are entering an alternate reality anyway. However, what started off as a mission to buy new bedsheets for the guest room yesterday turned into an odyssey into an England that exists in a tourist with arrest development’s mind. Armed with my phone, I am happy to provide evidence.
Let’s look at this biscuit tin, shall we?
Yes, Old Sheffield Village, the village of about 550,000 people that was once one of the top steel producing cities of the world. It is still a city known for the manufacturing of high quality cutlery and high speed steel used for drill bits and cutting tools. It is also redeveloping and redefining itself to adapt to the 21st century. How quaint. Obviously, this is a case of the Asians trying to make an English country biscuit tin and not quite getting the language right.
Moving on, I found this little number amongst the mugs.
I think it was supposed to be the Union Jack, but it looked more like a bad idea after a night of pub crawling.
Bill: “Oi! Peter! “Let’s paint the Union Jack on this mug using our knobs!”
Peter: (Passes out)
Of course, one must always…
No, that trend shows no signs of dying over here. We can get tea to go in our mug.
Or we can “Keep Calm, and Sail On”
Although, for all I know, it could say, “Keen, Calm and Carry On” That conjures up a Lord Flashheart from Blackadder type of character, which would have been great for Royal Navy recruitment during World War II.
Going into the kitchen section, I see somebody has re-licensed the Kilner name and started to manufacture the jars, and I don’t know how well these new jars are selling in the U.K.
Thanks to the BBC, I have watched a documentary all about the Kilner company. Kilner started in the 1840s in Yorkshire and thrived through the Industrial Revolution. However, the company went bankrupt back in the 1930s. So, Kilner itself does not exist. The brand has a specific reputation for quality preserving jars.
That being said, I am not going to pay $4.00 for what is an empty Smuckers jam jar because it was made in England. (To those who put the gingham top on the lid, that was a bad idea. Smuckers does the same thing with its overly sugared fruit from Hell.) I was on the verge of looking for remnants of strawberries. This is one product that does not translate well over here.
But what about a wall hanging? Perhaps a clock?
Hey, I love Regent Street as much as the next person. It has some wonderful shopping. It is gorgeous around Christmas with its lights and decorations. The architecture is magnificent. It is a must-go place when you are in London. So to buy such a cheap yawn-worthy clock saying, “Regent Street LONDON” is a bit of a contradiction to the real thing when you think about it.
To sum up, after you kept calm and bought all your useless crap, you could stick it in your London shopping bag.
And now you can feel really English.