Our Trip Went into the Toilet

And it wasn’t a bad thing.

On Saturday, we were planning to mooch around some of the neighborhoods of Chicago that we haven’t explored yet. But the weather decided to be Oh for Fuck’s Sake Hot, and since our gene pool is from the Potato Belt of Europe and not designed for heat, we decided to throw overnight bags together and flee north to actual temperatures where people like us can function.

And where would a hopelessly middle-class family with parents who function with a slightly more refined sense of humor than the child go on a whim?  To the Kohler Design Center in Kohler, Wisconsin, of course. We are just a jet set family.  We are just like the Kardashians only…um…not.

Well, what is so special about the Kohler Design Center? We found out they have a museum at the lower level all about the history of the Kohler company.  Imagine…toilets throughout the years!

1920s/1930s toilets.  Why don't they make them in these colors anymore?
1920s/1930s toilets. Why don’t they make them in these colors anymore?

IMG_0463
1880/1890’s toilet. Kohler decided to scrap this model because water plus wood created cracks, leaks, and sanitation problems.
IMG_0474
1970’s low consumption toilets. Don’t they look like they are going to start talking to you? “Don’t even think of sticking your ass on me!”
IMG_0470
This is a Grandma’s house toilet, if I ever saw one.

Of course, we could have been mature and learned that Kohler started off in cast iron and made agricultural equipment before it got into the plumbing business. It was John Michael Kohler who applied enamel to a horse trough to create a bathtub that started the company in that direction. It was Kohler who also patented and manufactured the Bubbler, what we know as the drinking fountain in the United States, in 1888. (Drinking fountains are still called “bubblers” in certain areas like Massachusetts. Fountains for drinking water with spouts appeared in London around 1859.) But we couldn’t be bothered.  We had khazis to frolic around.

And there were many more upstairs.   Somebody decided to have fun and play Toilet TETRIS® as a design feature on the wall of the showroom.

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I think the random, bizarre, anatomically incorrect, black semi-gloss Krylon guys they have in various poses add that little bit of “What the hell?” every design needs.  It’s like some Goldfinger-type character kidnapped some ancient Olympic athletes, castrated them, and lacquered them.  What gives with the dude with his arms up? Did he finish climbing the Toilet TETRIS® wall and feels smug and triumphant?  Is he about to dive into an empty whirlpool?  Do I need my scorecards?  And the poor soul on the right with the bathtub?  Is he holding it up?  Trying to move it?  Waiting for another one of his Krylon friends to come back to help him, but the asshole left to go get burritos?  We are left with too many questions.   But these two are not left with the worst fates.  It’s this one…

IMG_0480
“I have no clothes! I have no genitals! I’m stuck in this birdbath 40 feet in the air! Damn straight, I am going to shake my fist at the world!”

Looking past the odd design concepts, we had toilets of the past and present. But what about the future? Well, the Boffin and the Sprog encountered one of these fancy contraptions.

Brains the sizes of planets...
Brains the size of planets…

And between the two of them, they managed to get it to light up. Oh, and they also raised the lid. I think we’ll stick to the old-fashioned kind.

Truth be told, it wasn’t all about the toilets.   Just mostly.  We were needing design ideas for a bathroom renovation too, but we were having such a blast just going through and taking photographs of what we found funny.

The Boffin (to the Sprog):
The Boffin (to the Sprog): “You can have that in your room.”   The Sprog (eyes lighting up): “Really?!?!?”  (She is developing her sarcasm so well.  Sniff.)
“Where are the stray cotton swabs, the 5-year-old tube of hydrocortisone cream, and the directions to an electric razor you threw out in 2001?
Me:
Me: “Why would you want this in your bathroom?” The Boffin: “It’s supposed to help get things out of your system.”
To the fellow Jewish households out there, if you need a better storage place for your shofar (the ram's horn you blow on Rosh Hashanah), this is it.
To the fellow Jewish households out there, if you need a better storage place for your shofar, the ram’s horn you blow on Rosh Hashanah, this is it.
The powder room for tall men.
The powder room for tall men.

Man, if we had this much fun in the showroom, we have to go back for the factory tour.   Perhaps we can get some free samples out of it.

11 thoughts on “Our Trip Went into the Toilet

  1. I started off with a couple hundred words of my natural response to toilet humor, but, had to delete all of it as inappropriate for potential Sprog viewing. Don’t worry, the Boffin wouldn’t have gotten it anyway…

    Let’s just say, this is definitely not flushable material, and leave it at that, ‘kay?

    I have to agree about the need for some color in modern toilets, too. Though, no brown. Please.

    It’s nice to see a family enjoying quality time together, especially when it combines a fun activity with education…. Bonus!….

    All bathroom humor aside, good post…

    gigoid

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I didn’t, but, almost asked if it would be a ‘show and tell’ item, but wasn’t sure of the Sprog’s age & didn’t want to offend her by assuming she’s still little enough for that childhood nightmare, er, experience…

        😉

        Go with the flow!

        gigoid

        Like

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