Big, Tough, and Defeated by British Toilet Paper

The Boffin is the master at coming up with news articles to amuse me, and he didn’t let me down this morning.  Being a New York Jets fan (That’s an American football team for those who are not familiar with sports in the U.S.), he was keeping up with the goings on with the upcoming game with the Miami Dolphins at Wembley this weekend.  Apparently, the Jets shipped over 350 rolls of toilet paper along with their other supplies.

Nothing but Land Rovers and Charmin Ultra Soft for Darrelle Revis.
Nothing but Land Rovers and Charmin Ultra Soft for Darrelle Revis.

The Jets’ rep claimed it was all about keeping the same routine since the teams would be out of their comfort zones in England.  The devil is in the details and throwing in some extra bog roll into the shipping container was no big deal.  Now I can understand that as far as meals and practice routines, but if a player is thrown off his game because of what he uses to wipe his ass, he picked the wrong occupation.

“I fumbled because the hotel only had Andrex Classic White!”

Tell that to the rugby players, dude.

I think the world now knows how to defeat American athletes in international competition.  Just force them to use foreign bog roll.

29 thoughts on “Big, Tough, and Defeated by British Toilet Paper

      1. I don’t know it was in the US, but back when I was a wee lass, the schools were stocked with that horrible medicated toilet “tissue” that was more like greaseproof paper and was entirely lacking in absorbency. I think the strength of my bladder is down to having to hold in a pee until I could get home to decent loo roll throughout my school years.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. According to the article, British toilet paper is too thin, so obviously, the football players are afraid of getting something unsavory on their hands.

      First of all, British bog roll is thick enough to do the job properly. Second of all, if something does get on their hands, there is these magic things called soap and water than can get rid of the offending material. They have those over there in the UK.

      Wimps.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. OK, things that can fit in your toiletry bag are one thing, but wouldn’t you worry about someone who brought special toilet paper to your house? I know I would. That would not be “good guest” behavior…more like “highly suspect,” if there is no medical condition.

      If Martha Stewart starts endorsing toilet paper as a gift for your host, then we can start talking.

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        1. If 80 beefy men called the New York Jets came to stay at my house, they can use the port-a-potty in the park that abuts against my backyard, and they can sleep on the lawn. Leaves can work as toilet paper.

          After all, I am from the Philly area.

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  1. While this subject is massively tempting, I shall only relate what our old friend Robert Crumb told us all, back in the 60’s, to wit: ”

    “Remember, kids. the job’s not finished until the paperwork is done. Rectal itch is NO picnic!” — Tommy Toilet

    Perhaps, they might also wish to check those rolls, for drugs. The Jets might be using steroids, or other performance enhancers, applied each time the toilet is used… by, I might add, the fastest route of administration….

    Just sayin’

    gigoid, the dubious

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OK. I am going to nip this discussion in the butt. Or the bud. Whereever. British tp sucks. I am old enough to remember the waxy stuff. Please, someone tell me the point of smearing fecal matter instead of cleaning it off?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know if you can buy IZAL toilet paper anymore, since I can attest that the public facilities don’t use the stuff now, but it did have the quality of being able to not get wet when you went camping. Very useful for British holiday makers.

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      1. The last hold out that I knew about was the public loo in Edinburgh near Holyrood Palace. When I was there last — 2002, it had been replaced by something the texture of sandpaper.

        I consider myself the world’s authority on toilet paper, just so you know. With my Crohn’s, well, I sample wherever I go.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. What would they have done on a tour of the USSR? importing anything was admin hell at the time, with massive theft at Customs level. When I lived there, it was squares of cut up Pravda news for the locals

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