If Canada Geese Organize, We’re Doomed.

As the weather gets colder, bird migration becomes more prominent around these parts, and I live in one of the Canada geese’s paths. One thing I learned is that, regarding human interaction, Canada geese are the assholes of the bird world.

They will not budge. They will not negotiate. They will not move an inch to accommodate us, and we will capitulate every time.

It is not just a matter of strutting across the street and waiting until their conga line passes over. Those bastards will sometimes decide sit down and have a rest in the middle of the road, and no one will do a damn thing about it. Canada geese will just trample and shit all over every square inch of land, and we just accept it like death and taxes. One time when I was relaxing by the waterfront on Lake Michigan, I saw a jet skier had to do some Steve McQueen stunt maneuvers to save his neck because, God forbid, the birds could actually fly out of the way.

Selfish douchenozzles.

All it would take is a disgruntled former employee of Perdue or Bernard Matthews with a talent for crossbreeding to create an army of these menaces with intelligence. We would be at their mercy.

We would be stuck in traffic for years.

12 thoughts on “If Canada Geese Organize, We’re Doomed.

  1. Spot on. I did battle with them all summer at the park across the road from us. The jogging path was very attractive to all 20 of them. One Saturday morning I actually hissed at one of the males and charged him to get him to move. He did very grudgingly.

    Remember the problems they caused (and are probably still causing) on Sand Island? The poor city employees had to run them off by banging on pie tins and blowing whistles when a good .12-gauge would do a better job. I wish I had a camera to film the orange-shirted fat guys wheezing at geese.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I found that if you take your foot off the break, but don’t touch the gas pedal, my car goes gradually enough forward to nudge the geese out of the way, without hurting them. Of course, they hiss at my tires, but they don’t block me!


    Liked by 1 person

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