The Boffin and I just dropped off The Sprog at Sunday school and were driving to the grocery store eastbound on one of the characteristically straight main roads that are so common in the grid system that connects Chicagoland. I was in the passenger seat, and the sun’s position was such that its rays decided that it would be fun to bore a hole into my temple. All I wanted to do was get some food, and the sun wants to play Space Invaders with my brain.
As I flipped the visor over, I opined in my genteel way about how the sun is harsher here in the Midwest as opposed to the Northeast. I believe I said something along the lines of, “The sun’s an asshole!”
This when The Boffin explained to me that the sun is no different here. We aren’t driving on roads that bend and twist as much. I am sitting in the same position for a longer period, therefore the sun has more of an opportunity to fry my cranium.
But I maintain since the sun takes advantage of the grid system and my vulnerablity, at the very least, it acts like a five-year-old with a magnifying glass, and I am a mere ant.
Regardless, Chicagoland, the grid system is overrated. A few fluctuations in the roads can decrease head trauma. Or spouses like The Boffin from rants like mine.
So The Boffin was giving his face a once over with a razor before his flight to Houston yesterday. I was hovering just outside the bathroom, and, given how easily my propensity is toward boredom, I decided to stretch a Pilates band over my nose and mouth and make kazoo noises. Naturally, it had to ignite another one of our mock arguments.
The Boffin exclaimed, “Would you stop trying to kill yourself?!?”
Me: “WHAT!? What am I doing?”
Really, this is on the milder end of my self amusement spectrum.
The Boffin: “You are like Roger Rabbit with the tool kit when he was sticking the file in his ear.”
Me: “You don’t understand.”
The Boffin: “What do you mean I don’t understand!?!? I just gave an analogy that describes your behavior perfectly!”
Me: “But you don’t get it at a deeper level!”
The Boffin: “Just because I don’t understand how tornadoes are formed exactly doesn’t mean I don’t know what do when the alarms go off!”
But can’t he chase the tornadoes sometimes to see what they feel like?
The Boffin has taken up archery again, so when he gets into something, he has to explains what he does for hours on end.
This morning’s conversation revolved around his shoulder about how it doesn’t hurt when he draws his bow, but it does hurt when he pulls his phone from the case on his belt. After his extensive demonstration of his point, I exclaimed, “OK, Robin Hood!”