Pronunciation is Everything.

The Boffin, The Sprog, and I are currently researching venues for her upcoming Bat Mitzvah.  I was looking at a site that had an 80s arcade and saw that they had a favorite game of mine, Galaga.

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Seen here with another favorite of mine, Ms. Pac Man. I lost hours of my life with these two. Photo courtesy of Brian Katt at the English language Wikipedia

Upon mentioning this to The Boffin, his response?

“Which one? The game or the guy with the watermelons?”

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It took me a few seconds to figure out who he was talking about since Gallagher had not crossed my mind in years.

Now I am waiting for him to bring up The Gong Show and Charo.

Career Advice from The Boffin

I mentioned this in a private Facebook post, but I should share this publicly.  The Boffin admitted that the reason why he became a chemical engineer was so he could legally commit arson.  Heck, his master’s thesis centered on combustion.  So channeling criminal impulses into societal good is a great way of making a career choice.

Case in point, this is The Boffin's current wallpaper on his work laptop. It is the Orbital ATK Antares Launch that went awry back in 2014. Photo courtesy of NASA HQ. https://www.flickr.com/photos/nasahqphoto/22421835200/in/photostream/
Case in point, this is The Boffin’s current wallpaper on his work laptop. It is the Orbital ATK Antares Launch that went awry back in 2014. Photo courtesy of NASA HQ. https://www.flickr.com/photos/nasahqphoto/22421835200/in/photostream/

Why they don’t mention these things at career fairs, I will never know…

He’s No Fun.

So The Boffin was giving his face a once over with a razor before his flight to Houston yesterday. I was hovering just outside the bathroom, and, given how easily my propensity is toward boredom, I decided to stretch a Pilates band over my nose and mouth and make kazoo noises.  Naturally, it had to ignite another one of our mock arguments.

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The Boffin exclaimed, “Would you stop trying to kill yourself?!?”

Me: “WHAT!? What am I doing?”

Really, this is on the milder end of my self amusement spectrum.

The Boffin: “You are like Roger Rabbit with the tool kit when he was sticking the file in his ear.”

Me: “You don’t understand.”

The Boffin: “What do you mean I don’t understand!?!? I just gave an analogy that describes your behavior perfectly!”

Me: “But you don’t get it at a deeper level!”

The Boffin: “Just because I don’t understand how tornadoes are formed exactly doesn’t mean I don’t know what do when the alarms go off!”

But can’t he chase the tornadoes sometimes to see what they feel like?

The Boffin Needs Another Name

“I need to talk to you.”

“What is it?”

“If I come up with ideas and it’s your job to carry them out, what are you?”

“Husband?”

“No, a henchman.”

The Boffin is like Odd Job from Goldfinger only more eloquent, worse dress sense, worse aim, and less Asian.
The Boffin is like Odd Job from Goldfinger only more eloquent, worse dress sense, worse aim, and less Asian.

The Boffin’s head goes into his hands.

“If that’s the case, you need a henchman uniform.  We need to replace your wardrobe with clothes that are all the same.”

“But I wear polo shirts and khakis all the time.”

“They have to be the same color.  It’s like in the movies.”

“So you want to live your life like in the movies.”

“You don’t understand.”

I get a stare of belief, yet disbelief.  After almost 14 years of marriage, I am immune to that look.

“You also need a new name.  The Boffin is not a good henchman name.”

“Well, why don’t you post about it on the blog and ask people to give me a new name?”

“I will!”

“I also only want to be a part-time henchman because you are not evil all the time.”

“You mean like call you on the cell phone when I need you to carry out my plans?”

“Yeah.”

“It would save me money on benefits.”

“Do you want me to get you a nuclear missile?”

“No, just build me a shark pond.”

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So, my dear readers, what would be a good henchman name for The Boffin?

What He Doesn’t Have.

No Cognac

The Boffin and I made a pit stop at our local Binny’s, and we were staring at the pricey liquor in the display cabinet.

“I don’t have any cognac.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I don’t have any cognac because I prefer Armagnac.”

I just stared at him, wondering where this was going.

The Boffin wanders off to look at wine.

“I don’t have a Ferrari either,” he called out to me.

I catch up with him in the Merlots because I really did not want to shout out to everyone about how I really felt from across the store.

“And you don’t have chlamydia either.  What is the point of this conversation?”

The Boffin didn’t feel the need to continue his list after that.

Who Has More Intelligence?

The Boffin came running up the stairs, swung open the door to the guest room, and bellowed out the following question:

“Are you moving furniture?”

Me (knowing no one else was in there):  “Are you talking to the Roomba?”

The Boffin:  “You talk to Lola.”

Me:  “Point taken.”

The Boffin:  “Mine has more intelligence.”

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We had to keep a dead parsley plant in the house as a decoy to keep her away from the other plants. You be the judge.