Pronunciation is Everything.

The Boffin, The Sprog, and I are currently researching venues for her upcoming Bat Mitzvah.  I was looking at a site that had an 80s arcade and saw that they had a favorite game of mine, Galaga.

video_game_-_ms_pacman_and_galaga
Seen here with another favorite of mine, Ms. Pac Man. I lost hours of my life with these two. Photo courtesy of Brian Katt at the English language Wikipedia

Upon mentioning this to The Boffin, his response?

“Which one? The game or the guy with the watermelons?”

giphy

It took me a few seconds to figure out who he was talking about since Gallagher had not crossed my mind in years.

Now I am waiting for him to bring up The Gong Show and Charo.

America Does Things Big.

I would love to come back to the UK and see the size of one of these things.

Probably wouldn’t hold a candle, really.

Oh, and this is in Dayton, Ohio, so making election comments are tempting.  But I am going to ask for restraint.  My readers are above cheap shots. 

I’m not, but you are.

Marital Codes or Why We Don’t Have Many Friends

The Boffin and I will be celebrating our 15th anniversary on December 28th. And I realize, like many couples who have been together a long time, we have come up with our own code words and phrases that make sense to us but classify us as weirdos to the general public. I thought I would share a few in the spirit of making us just a little more understandable.

Lord Lucan 1 – “Lord Lucan” has become a long lost object: the forgotten leftover in the back of the fridge, the screwdriver that had been misplaced, that important piece of paperwork that was needed a month ago, etc. You get the idea. “I’ve found Lord Lucan!” is the tip-off sentence.

John Mills 2 – The ideal of masculinity that I jokingly thrust upon the Boffin.  I even have John Mills’s picture as the avatar for the Boffin’s contact info on my phone.

John Major voice – The Boffin is good at the former prime minister’s voice and characterizing this person. It is the voice of the overly educated, pedantic Englishman who complains about the most nitnoid things. (I don’t want to hear a word from the Boffin’s family.) It is the voice of the worst letters sent to Points of View. It is the person pointing out the blatantly obvious who is taking everything literally. The Boffin just wrote this letter as an example.

Dear Sir,

After 15 years of almost daily use, my Worthington Bishop 12oz teapot recently met with an untimely accident.  As a result, I found to necessary to procure a new teapot.  However, I was shocked and dismayed to discover that the Worthington Bishop no longer is made in the 12oz size, and I was therefore reluctantly force to buy the Worthington Bishop 16oz pot.  However, I have discovered that because I only fill the pot with 12oz of water. In order to compensate for the additional evaporative cooling resulting from the larger headspace, I have had to raise my house’s thermostat by 0.1°C (not an easy feat as it generally increments by only 1°C).  Assuming that this pot also lasts me 15 years, and similar issues are happening in every household in the United Kingdom, I have estimated that this will force us as a nation to consume the same amount of energy as Huddersfield consumes in about 1 minute and 23.2 seconds.

In keeping with the Government’s environmental policies, I suggest that you reintroduce the Worthington Bishop 12oz pot and, perhaps, bring out it’s Eco-qualities in your marketing campaign.

Yours Sincerely

Mr Herbert Q. Pedant

George and Mildred 3 – The elderly couple cruising at 20 mph in front of us.

Tom and Barbara 4 – Whenever The Boffin and I are in a gardening or, more likely, in an us-against-the world mode.

Woody and Tinny Words – Woody words are pleasant sounding words. Tinny words are harsh sounding ones.  Thank Monty Python for this one.

“My Hovercraft is Full of Eels” – Our response to a nonsensical statement. Of course, we have to attribute this to Monty Python too.

I like cheese. – Code for “My brain hurts. Let’s talk about nice things.”  Sylvester and co. are our friends.

PEOPLE! AAAAH! – Quoting Gossamer from the Bugs Bunny cartoon. Our “Stop the World, I Want to Get Off” exclamation.

So, do you and your partner have any odd phrases you want to share?

1. To make a long story short, John Bingham, the 7th Earl of Lucan disappeared in 1974 disappeared upon having a warrant for his arrest for the murder of his children’s nanny and the assault of his wife. To those in America, chances are, you haven’t heard of him. He was quite an interesting character to say the least.

2. If anyone has heard of Sir John Mills in the U.S., it is usually either as Hayley’s dad or the father from Swiss Family Robinson. Meanwhile, from the 1940s to the early 1960s, he pretty much epitomized English film masculinity: stiff upper lip, courage under fire, wry humor, knowing when to break the rules and when to conform. The running joke is that nobody has seen the beginning of Ice Cold in Alex in years because they happen to catch it while channel flipping and remain stuck watching it until the end. Sir John Mills never mattered to me until I met the Boffin.

3. George and Mildred was a spinoff sitcom of Man about the House. It was the equivalent of The Ropers being the spinoff of Three’s Company.

4. From the sitcom The Good Life or Good Neighbors, depending on where you live. Tom and Barbara Good, played by Richard Briers and Felicity Kendall respectively, were a couple living in the London suburbs who decided to become self-sufficient by growing their own food, raising livestock, and bartering to meet their needs.  The disconnect between the two worlds made for some classic comic moments.

Something for Next Year for “Guy Fawkes Day”

Unfortunately, I did my grocery shopping too late, so I missed a chance to utilize these helpful suggestions on how to celebrate Guy Fawkes Night according to one of my local grocery stores.

CCF11132015

Hey, it turns out that Guy Fawkes lead the conspiracy and not Robert Catesby.   Who knew?  And Guy Fawkes also did some time travel too because the Kingdom of Britain did not exist until 1707.  I thought it was still the the Kingdom of England and Wales in 1605.  He must have used the TARDIS.  The Doctor never seems to go anywhere apart from London, as far as I have seen.

Regardless, so what are Americans supposed to do, since there are no fireworks, bonfires, nor parades around these parts (although there used to be in early colonial days in New England)?  Well, it looks like we are supposed to drink Irish tea with chocolate covered digestive “crackers”.  Perhaps we can snack on baked beans on top of Irish beer-flavored potato chips.  Sounds pretty lame.  Is that all?

ronpopeil

The grocery store also gave an idea for a meal to fix along with some more specials.

CCF11132015_0001

Ah!  It’s Cinco de Noviembre!

Considering we have some of the best Mexican food in the Chicagoland area, this could work.  Instead of the bonfires, we can make Guy Fawkes into a piñata, fill him with a lot of that leftover Halloween candy, and have the kids hit him with sticks.  And we are always looking for reasons to set off fireworks and explosives.  This is America.

What do you think?

I Have a New Favorite Word.

Défenestration
Photography of the defenestration of the stuntman Louis-Marc Marty for the film “Parrallèle extrème”.

I cannot believe I have been on this planet for 42 years, and I never heard of this word until The Boffin taught it to me this morning.

Defenestration

The act of throwing something or somebody out of the window.

To think of the number of times in the past when this word would have been handy.

I looked it up, and there is another definition.

The act of dismissing someone from a position of power or authority

I hope that means you do so by throwing the person out a window.

Because a few names come to mind…

Veiled Communication at Its Best

IMG_0780

In other words…

Dear Chicago Residents:

We know you do not like piles of crap in the park, but we are working on it.  Give us a chance, will ya?

We also know you hate it when we have these massive concerts like Lollapalooza because of the hordes of people causing mess, disturbance, and general mayhem, but you have a choice here.  We can either up your taxes even more, so you can have your nice parks, or we can have big events, and you have to learn to live with the inconvenience once in a while.  Are we clear?  Good.  Now shut up.

Sincerely,

The Chicago Park District

This is What I Endure

The Boffin has taken up archery again, so when he gets into something, he has to explains what he does for hours on end.

This morning’s conversation revolved around his shoulder about how it doesn’t hurt when he draws his bow, but it does hurt when he pulls his phone from the case on his belt.  After his extensive demonstration of his point, I exclaimed, “OK, Robin Hood!”

“I’m not Robin Hood!”

“Well, what other English archers are there?”

Jeffrey!

“Just go to work.  Just go.  I want you to go to work.  I am looking forward to you going to work.  Just leave.  Get out.”

Wazzock:  See Jeffrey Archer  "Jeffrey Archer @ Oslo bokfestival 2012 2" by Bjørn Erik Pedersen - Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons
Wazzock:  See Jeffrey Archer.   “Jeffrey Archer @ Oslo bokfestival 2012 2” by Bjørn Erik Pedersen – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons